18 years seems so long when you hold that sweet baby for the first time! Feels like you have all the time in the world! Then as time goes on, just as all the sayings go “time is a thief” or “time flies” you’re living and saying those things every time you turn around. My Mady girl leaving for college has been one of the hardest things I think I have ever had to face as a mom. I am still processing emotions and feelings and will continue to I am sure, as time moves on.
Everyone always talks about the change for the college bond, and how exciting and scary and wonderful it all is! Which it all is, and I am so grateful that is what is in store for Mady. What I have also realized is, many times I am up in the middle of the night, thinking about her not being under my roof where I know she is safe, or crying asking God for strength because it feels like a piece of me is leaving, or telling myself this is it, she doesn’t need you anymore (I know it sounds a bit dramatic but it’s true). Having to be strong and hold it together so Mady didn’t see me fall apart was what I thought I had to do. While, when I was open and shared feelings with Mady and we were able to talk about how each other was feeling, it just opened room for more dialogue, love and understanding. The truth is, it’s hard for us both, but not many people talk about what the mom may be feeling and going through. I have joked (but not really joking) many times about how they need a support group for moms of kids leaving for college.
However, as I am navigating these emotions and changes as it becomes my reality, I have learned through my quiet moments with God a few things I am still working on but believe are getting me through this season. These items are things that I must surrender each day and ask God to help me with.
- Know God’s got them, and he has a plan for them!
God chose me to be Mady’s mama. How am I so lucky?! Just as he chooses me to be her mama, he chose her to be his child, and he’s got her! He’s going to take care of her. This was already planned since before she was in my belly, how cool!! So now, I get to still be her mama, but she gets to go live that plan God has for her! She knows that she has a loving family that she can reach out to on good and bad days. As I mentioned above doing this is not an easy task, but Psalm 34:18-19 tells me He is near to those who have a broken heart and saves those who are crushed in spirit. He doesn’t just have my girl, he’s got me! While yes, I will feel those emotions, he will be right there with me, walking WITH me, if I allow him to.
- Love and live in the moment- be present and make memories
I have reflected on the last 18 years of Mady’s life and just think about all the times I wasted sweating the small things and not just enjoying the moments. As she got older, and I realized she would soon be an adult, I tried to shift my perspective. Having grace for myself and my family is huge. Working towards better and not perfection has been a game changer for our family. Slowing down, and not always rushing from one thing to the next is important. As well as taking a moment to enjoy each other’s company and laughing (or crying) together means so much! Getting excited for the silly rare 1 on 1 ice cream dates, rather than you are so busy I never see you! Celebrate the victories and battles that have been won and are yet to come! Just simply remember to rejoice in the day that the Lord has made and be grateful.
- Have community around you, and lean on them when you need them
Vulnerability is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Allowing people to see me when I am not ok, talking about emotions that I usually keep to myself and allowing others to surround me with love and support are 3 of the best things I have allowed to happen as I endure this journey of a mom with a college kid. Through this season, I have said to a few people God has put in my life, “this is going to be hard, I need you to keep me up and not allow me to lock away like I have in the past”. I am thankful that my church values building relationships and community, and I have felt loved enough to start to be vulnerable. Without the support of my people, this post would be a different vibe, I probably would not have even been asked to write it! God calls us to live in community and do life with his people. Thank goodness I allowed my stubborn mind to embrace that over the last year. Thank goodness God kept working on me saying “no you can’t do this alone, let others in” and thank goodness for Fathom Church and their authenticity and love for God’s people! So, I will lean on my people, and some days they will likely have to pull me up, but that’s ok because I know they love me! God also tell me in 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
I have read this quote a million times “The sad part about motherhood is that you’re raising the one thing you can’t live without to live without you”. This quote used to send me into hysterics. Honestly, some days it still does. As I have taken time to reflect and process this time, this word perspective has continuously popped in my head. My perspective and how I view and think about things has so much power over my mind. When I read the quote mentioned above, I would usually think about how Mady doesn’t need me anymore. She is an adult. She needs to go make her own life and I am slowly going to be less in her life…
But God. He probed me and whispered to me and said “no Susanna, flip your perspective. Let’s (let US- he is with me through all of this) look at it from a different light. Yes, she is 18. Yes, she is building and living her adult life, trying to figure out her path. But YOU are still her mama, and she does still need and will continue to need YOU, just in different ways.” God gave me the gift of my girls, and it doesn’t stop just because they are 18 and going to college. They are a lifetime gift! I hear the gift just gets sweeter with time and man am I here for it, because it’s so sweet already, but my God is good and while the feels may not always be good, the reasons remain the same. So, I continue in this season with many mistakes and fumbles and with a new perspective of light and hope, and I know God’s got this. I just have to be willing to be vulnerable and let him do the rest!
Written By: Susanna Brice
