This blog post was originally posted August 25, 2023.
Looking at the calendar this week that is full of work meetings, social engagements, and church volunteer opportunities would give anyone else not in our daily life anxiety, but in our world, that’s just normal. Throw Foster Care into the midst of this, and you’ve got a whole other story.
Our family thrives on being busy and having a full schedule. We could spend every single evening of the week outside of the house and feel like our tanks are full. We try to cut things out of our schedule to spend more time together as husband and wife or to just sit on the couch, but we’d rather be with our people. But at some time or another we hit a brick wall, and it feels like we’re depleted, lost, frustrated and without hope if we’re not being careful to make sure that our priorities are straight and our eyes are focused on Jesus in the midst of all the busyness that is our life.
We just try to keep going and to keep piling things on our plates. We’ve learned through hitting so many brick walls and so many scrapes and bruises that having a full schedule all the time is not sustainable – we forget that our bodies need rest. Sacrificing true rest is never going to help you out in the long run.
We pack our schedules full to feel fulfillment, to feel wanted, to feel like we’re “enough” or doing “enough” and miss out on the quiet opportunities that Jesus is whispering to us like, “slow down child and look around you” or “just rest here at my feet, so I can show you more” and “don’t rush, take this detour so I can pour into you.” We’ve been known to fill our free time with binging netflix, scrolling tiktok, immersing ourselves in fiction novels and other things that are just fillers trying to escape from the busy schedules and pressure that we put upon our own shoulders.
We jumped into Foster Care this past year and I still don’t feel like I am qualified for this. As many people know, Foster Care is full of unexpected events, full of having to say no to social events or prior commitments that we’ve made before accepting a placement. We literally have to spend time retraining our brains from what my husband and I like to call “single married people” to parents of children from hard places. In an instant our lives can change dramatically, and we have to pivot to prioritizing our child’s needs, visitation appointments, playdates, and creating a safe and loving home for these beautiful children, but nobody likes to talk about how difficult that is. We feel like we have to fix everything, and it’s exhausting.
Foster Care may be exhausting sometimes in itself, but we make it so much more. We forget that God hasn’t called us to fix anything – that’s His job. Our job is called out in James, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (James 1:27 NIV). He calls us to CARE for the orphans and widows, not to fix their situations. I know that I am nowhere near qualified to even begin to know where to start the fixing.
Lately I’ve been feeling like all the work that I put into my kiddos when they’re overwhelmed, frustrated, and hurting applies to me as well. All of the moments that we take to tell them to stop and breathe, deep breaths in and out. Remembering where they feel the safest and to picture themselves there. Taking a pause in whatever they’re doing, remembering how they got through a tough task last time, and using their words to express their feelings. It’s so practical, we teach our children this, but we don’t take our own advice. When we stop and breathe and remember that His promises still stand true to us: “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it . . .” (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 NIV).
He is the God of peace, and He is not calling you into busyness. Something that we like to say is “God’s not going to give you anything you can’t handle.” YES HE IS, because we’re going to be put in so many situations where we have no idea how we’re going to get through to the next day, but my GOD OF PEACE has CALLED ME, and He’s proven time and time again that HE WILL DO IT.
In the midst of the crazy, unknown moments that I like to call “FIX IT JESUS!” moments I have to remind myself to breathe and pour truth over our situation and remember how many times He has pulled us through. In this season of my life, I am learning that even when I’m not doing the most, not volunteering for everything, not having enough energy to keep going at the pace that I’ve set the precedent for, not being a “parent enough” to fit in with the parents, and not having enough foster care experience to fit in the foster parent club.
In the moments when I feel like I’m not volunteering enough at church, not being a good enough friend, I have to stop. The moment that I stop and turn my face toward Jesus, His word that is written on my heart starts whispering; “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29 NIV)
“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.” (Psalm 37:4-6)
We were never meant to carry the burdens that we carry today. The busyness that invades our lives is just a scheme that the enemy uses to get us distracted and away from the one who can truly fix it all. When we take a moment to breathe and remember all that He’s done and written upon on our hearts we can remember how MIGHTY our God is, that He goes before us, and He’s already won the battle.
In the moments when we feel like we have nothing left to give, we’ve poured out too much, we can lean on the hope that our Jesus is there in the midst of it all. He’s going to be there whispering in our hearts that He’s got you, and His plan is always better than our own.
Written by: Jess Oermann. Jess is the Programs Manager for Haven Retreats, helping plan therapeutic retreats for foster and adoptive families. She has been married to her woodworking husband, Jonathon for 8 years, and they live in Jacksonville, FL. Together they are licensed foster parents and love to spend time filling their schedules with all the things, especially day trips to explore fun places with awesome antiquing, thrift, and book stores.
