Four years ago, I began a journey that would forever change my life. After a year of procrastinating, going through training, filling out paperwork, getting my home ready, and more procrastinating, I finally took the leap into foster care as a single woman.

The week everything shut down because of COVID-19, my home opened. I was approved for ages 0-18, but my initial plan was to take in an older child or teen girl in the hopes of seeing them reunified with their family. They are often harder to place than little ones.

Inexperienced, ill-equipped, and anxious that I’d get my heart shattered, I faced the broken system of foster care. There’s no way around getting your heart broken if you do foster care, but these little ones are always worth the sacrifice.

Over the next few months, I agreed to take in several different placements, but for various reasons they didn’t get placed with me. Then I got a call one hot July afternoon. DFCS needed to transfer a 7-month-old baby girl to a home from a previous foster home and asked me if I would take her. Because I worked full-time and was doing this solo, I really didn’t plan on taking in an infant. But when I got that call, I just knew I had to say yes and within a few days, I welcomed the most precious baby girl. I knew the moment I laid eyes on her that I wanted her forever if reunification wasn’t possible.

Over the next 9 months, I adjusted to having a tiny human in my home. I had a plan: adopt her if she wasn’t reunified and more than likely close my home to focus on taking care of her.

Boy, was I underestimating what God had in mind.

My plate was full . . . or so I thought. My little girl didn’t have any brothers or sisters, so thankfully, she wasn’t separated from any siblings.

The following April (2021), I got another call. My daughter had a newborn brother, and DFCS asked if I would accept the placement. This was a huge task given to me, but I couldn’t look away, and I couldn’t say no. With the support of my family and friends, I said yes and within a couple of days, picked him up from the hospital.

I was blown away by what happened over the next few days following his birth. My front porch and garage were flooded with Amazon packages, diapers, and baby boy items from so many people – some of them I’ve never even met. Friends and family dropped off food. My parents parked their RV in my back yard, helping me adjust to 2 babies under the age of 2. For several months, they took care of him during the day and some nights so that I could keep working full-time.

It was incredible.

The next year was an extreme journey of God stretching and growing me more than I could have ever anticipated. But my plate was FULL. Completely full. In my mind . . .

The following spring (April 2022), we were pretty confident that reunification would not happen, and I had already made it known that I would adopt them both if they didn’t go home with their bio family. We were waiting on a court hearing that was supposed to happen in April when I got a call from a former case manager…. my heart sank. I had no idea why she would be calling and assumed it had to do with their case.

To my surprise she had called to tell me that my daughter and my son had a newborn baby brother, at the hospital.

I was in complete shock.

Knowing my situation, DFCS insisted that they would find a good home for this baby boy and that they would leave the other two babies with me even if I didn’t take him too (sometimes siblings in foster care get moved to be with other siblings). We were days away from celebrating my first son’s first birthday. I was a week away from taking some much-needed time off and 2 weeks away from starting a new job. I had a vacation booked.

The timing was terrible . . . or so I thought.

My son wasn’t sleeping through the night, and I was completely exhausted in so many areas of my life. Prior to the call, I thought I was about to finally catch my breath. I sobbed for a solid 30 minutes in my car after receiving that call. This was one of the hardest decisions of my life – take on 3 babies under 3 or watch them potentially get separated and not grow up together – whole siblings at that.

The thoughts of what would happen to him if I didn’t take him crossed my mind, along with doubts that I would be able to meet all of their needs.

I’d be stretched so thin. Was it even fair to them or him for me to take him too?

I knew it was completely insane; I knew it looked absolutely impossible. I cried out “You know I want him, God. But how?” I didn’t know how – I just knew that I had peace in that moment. That was all I had to go on.

What I’ve often doubted, but have also come to realize, is that He is always 10 steps ahead of us, making a way when we cannot see. He lined things up so perfectly that it was unexplainable.

Within a few hours, I made a decision.

Twenty-four hours later, I had packed my bags, kissed my other 2 babies goodbye for the weekend, picked up my sister, and jumped on the interstate headed to the hospital to pick up baby number 3. The doctor had a room waiting for me when I got there.

A few weeks later when my newborn was just 6 weeks old, I started down the path to adopting all 3. It was a long year of praying and waiting before it became official. I have endless stories that I could tell of God’s faithfulness and goodness throughout my journey.

He broke me, humbled me, and grew my faith in Him more in 3 years than He did in 30.

I never knew I had the capacity to love a complete stranger’s children as much as I love these 3.

While these little ones don’t fully understand what they lost, I grieved their loss like I never imagined I would. I won’t share the details of their story because it’s theirs to share, should they ever choose to. But I will be more than happy to share my story with anyone considering fostering or fostering to adopt.

I have nothing disparaging to say about their bio family. Their birth parents are an extension of these beautiful children that I love so much, and they gave them the one thing I couldn’t – life. I’ll forever be grateful to them for that.

I have so many people to thank for supporting me on this journey and for advocating for my children while they were in foster care. Whether case workers in the legal system or family and friends supplying dinners, you will never know what heroes you are.

Family, friends, case workers and staff, church community, colleagues, and neighbors – Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I didn’t realize how much the small things we do for each other matter until I was on the receiving end of that. Every time you gave an encouraging word, prayed for us, or delivered a meal, you were our hero. We received so much support from baby showers to Christmas gifts to financial support, and the list goes on and on.

People often ask me how I manage to do this, but the truth is, I couldn’t without my community and my faith in Christ. I couldn’t do it without the peace He extends even in the midst of what seems impossible.

Written by: a Fathom Family Foundation community member