It can be incredibly difficult to raise godly children in the current environment of popular culture. You can’t really get away from it unless you truly live off the grid, and not many people are prepared to do that.
Also, I don’t think we were created to run from the world and hide. I believe God placed us here on this earth for this specific hour. Not just mankind. But specifically, He placed you and me here. At this time.
Which means, He also placed our children here during this hour of history, too.
We can’t control much going on around us, and it’s easy to be overwhelmed by that lack of control. We can only control ourselves and our reactions to the world.
And if we are going to raise up children that aren’t afraid to live for Christ, we better start with ourselves. We have to regain perspective and recognize the importance of our influence on our children. They watch how we live. And men (dad’s, granddads, uncles), they are watching you oh-so-closely.
I recently watched my nephew light up at seeing my husband (his uncle). He scooped him up for a big hug and prepared for an evening of outdoor boy fun. At two-years-old, he adores his uncle, and regardless of how much time I spend with my little buddy, I know my husband will always be his favorite between the two of us. And I’m okay with that.
I fed him dinner a couple hours later, and within a split second of turning my back he was standing in the highchair. This, of course, scared all of us in the room, and my husband yelled his name while quickly making his way to him to prevent a fall. Obviously, the raised voice was out of fear and not anger, but two-year-olds can’t discern such things.
His adorable little face crumbled, and tears welled in his eyes. I watched his little hands cover his face, and I realized I’d never seen that face before. His feelings were HURT. We both launched into comfort and assurances so he knew he wasn’t in trouble, and he recovered quickly. But his reaction stuck with me.
What a strong reaction to his uncle’s voice and tone.
I keep him during the day, most days of the week while his mom is at work. I care for him hours upon hours each week. I play surrogate mother and try to offer all the cuddles, discipline, love, and comfort that his mom gives all other hours of the week. I love that boy like he’s my own son. And I’ve never once hurt his feelings like my husband did in that brief moment.
The difference? He looks up to my husband in a way he will never look up to me. My husband is a role model, a leader, a man. My nephew senses these things about him in his own little two-year-old way. It’s the same way he responds to all of the men in his life. There’s an admiration and a respect there, and it’s beautiful.
It. Is. Beautiful.
It’s the same with my daughter. She is a serious daddy’s girl about 90% of the week, and he can accidentally hurt her feelings far more easily than I can. She cares what he thinks. His opinion of her matters, and she’s looking to him to tell her who she is.
Men, your voice is important. Your influence is powerful. Your love and respect are deeply desired.
You might not be a father. You might be an uncle or family friend. Your kids might be grown, but now you’re a grandfather. You need to know that children look up to you. They watch you. They want to mimic you.
When God designed parenthood, he gave moms and dads different tasks. While you can have strong mothers and nurturing fathers, children get different things from us. They are often looking to the father for their identity.
Boys are looking to the men in their life for role models and to answer the question, “how do I become a man? Who am I?”
Girls often look to the men in their life to understand how they should be treated and to answer, “what is my value?”
Don’t bypass that. Don’t blow it off.
These kids watch you carefully. They hear what you talk about, how you live, and what you’re doing when you don’t realize anyone is watching. They know how you treat the women in your life and how you treat the children. Whether you are kind when they screw up or whether you shame them.
They take note of silly things too, like if you eat your vegetables and whether or not that means they have to eat theirs. But they look to you for important things as well – like if you invest in your walk with Jesus and if you think telling a “small lie” is okay.
They notice far more than they probably should.
I’ll forever be grateful my dad didn’t take this task lightly and that he walks with integrity no matter who is looking. That he parented first in love above all else.
If you aren’t sure how to be a godly father, there’s great news. God is by far the best and most amazing example of a father you could ever have. Read His perspective on fatherhood and hear His heart for us. Here’s a couple of powerful verses showing us just that:
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him” (Luke 15:20).
“There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” (Deut. 1:31).
“I will be a father to him, and he’ll be a son to me. When he does wrong, I’ll discipline him in the usual ways, the pitfalls and obstacles of this mortal life. But I’ll never remove my gracious love from him” (2 Sam. 7:14-15).
Time and again God shows His heart in fatherhood with compassion, love, discipline, and grace. And you can do that too.
So, if no one has told you lately:
You are not just a paycheck in your kids’ lives. You aren’t just the person that fixes things and provides a home. You aren’t the parent that screws up their outfits and clothes. You aren’t your wife’s “other child.”
You are the single greatest influence in your child’s life. You are the powerful force they will measure all other men to. Your involvement in their life as their father is arguably the strongest contributor to them becoming a statistic or not.
And if you’re not a dad, you can be a surrogate dad to the children around you – your nephews, cousins, and friends’ children.
Because hear me when I say, there is no shortage of need. Children need fathers and father figures now more than ever.
And God put You here, at this time in history, for this purpose.
**Ladies, if you’re a single mom or have a child with an uninvolved dad, take heart. Whether due to circumstances you didn’t expect, adoption, divorce, or whatever your situation may be, single motherhood is hard. I pray that God sends men into your children’s lives that will be the leader and influence they need. You can pray that too.
God knows your child and your situation, and powerful, praying mothers have filled the gap for thousands of children throughout history. Never underestimate the plan God has for your babies.
Written by: Anna Wetherington. Anna is a therapist, mom, and writer living in Valdosta, GA with her husband and daughter.
