Parents, we have a problem!

I know, we got 99 of ‘em right?! 

Some problems are bigger than others, though. The motor in my car window has been out for a while, but as long as my AC keeps blowing, I will survive. (Except for those embarrassing drive-thru moments where I have to open my car door to get my order.) Some problems are stop what you’re doing and figure this out because the consequences are dire. 

The problem with some problems, though, is that we don’t know how big of a problem it is until it’s too late. Like that time I blew up the engine of my ‘92 silver Honda Prelude with mirror tint windows as a teenager because I was leaking oil and ignored the check engine light for too long.  Well, the problem we are talking about for the next four weeks is that kind of problem. It’s a big deal, but you might not realize it until it’s too late, so consider this your heads up to check the oil and do a full tune up as we head into summer. 

The problem we’re talking about is the DIGITAL PROBLEM. 

I remember sitting in a neighborhood coffee shop several years ago, pre-2020, and overhearing two young teen girls discussing social media drama at school while simultaneously discussing their anti-anxiety meds. They didn’t even notice the connection and yet as an innocent eavesdropper I noticed it immediately. I don’t need to lecture you with the data because you’ve probably watched the documentaries, read the articles, and heard of the scholarly studies about the tidal wave impact social media and digital media is having on the literal rewiring of our brains and the overall well-being of an entire generation, young and old. If you haven’t, click the links to learn more. 

A generation, us included, totally addicted to our devices. 

24/7 incessant habits of checking and scrolling. 

This is our reality. This is the norm within nearly every single household in America. 

It’s a tidal wave kind of problem, and it’s time we got proactive about how this problem is being addressed within our households. 

Now that we’re on the same page in regards to the problem at hand, let our team help guide you for the next four weeks on a journey of learning, evaluating our own habits, and building new family practices that can literally turn the tide within our homes. 

In this post I want to help you firm up your role as a parent and provide you a 4-step personal pathway for living out your role as a parent in this digital age. 

UNDERSTAND YOUR ROLE AS A PARENT

This phrase keeps coming to mind that is echoed through the Old Testament, and Jesus picks it up and repeats it in the New Testament.

It goes something like this “like sheep without a shepherd, all have gone astray.”

This is kind of where we’re at when it comes to so many children in this generation. Parents have neglected their role and divine calling to shepherd their children and have left YouTube, video games, and influencers to fill the gap. And then they wonder why their kids are having issues. Our culture has instead bought into being a simple caretaker to keep them out of harm’s way, provide for their basic needs, try to help them be successful at whatever they want to do, and then let them find their way. Loving shepherds don’t let sheep just find their way – they lead them and protect them. Let me be clear on what the role of a Christian parent is.

The role of a Christian parent is to faithfully model for and train their children in loving obedience to God to prepare them for a lifetime of following Jesus.

There are plenty of scriptural places to read and know what God calls us to one common one is Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” The Hebrew word used here Ḥānaḵ means to train, dedicate, inaugurate. What is the proverb saying? Start well. Lead well. It is your responsibility to direct and train them. I think of a gym trainer who is going to keep you accountable, help you identify areas of weakness, and instruct you how to get stronger.

Another classic parenting verse is Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

In teaching this content to a group of parents recently, I asked them “How can parents provoke their children?” The room responded with two primary ways – anger and hypocrisy. We could all feel it as parents in the room. We know that we’ve parented out of anger and certainly when it comes to technology we haven’t always been a good model for them. I know there have been many times my children have felt neglected as my head was down in my device as they sought my attention. The instruction is to fathers here but goes for both parents as it’s a shared responsibility to raise our children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Not just any ol’ “discipline and instruction” but the instruction “of the Lord.”

The Greek word for discipline is paideia meaning the whole training and education of children, cultivating mind and morals, correcting mistakes, curbing passions. Remember, discipline does not equal punishment. It’s good coaching, teaching, cultivating faithful obedience to God. The next Greek word helps us understand this. The word nouthesia – meaninginstruction or admonition – means encouragement for our good. 

Coming back to our digital problem and our children walking through life like sheep without a shepherd in this area. How will our children know to interact with devices and digital technologies unless they are trained and taught? I’ve heard people complain so many times that when they got hired for a job, no one trained them or they didn’t get trained well. This is what our children will subconsciously feel and believe when they arrive at adulthood if we have not prepared them for it. There are no perfect parents, but we must own our responsibility and be intentional in our training. 

A final famous text for parenting is found in Deuteronomy 6:6-7, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

As parents we are called to teach, train, and model a life of faithfulness to God. The Hebrew word here for “teach” is šānan meaning to pierce or to teach clearly. I love the piercing or etching imagery that this word evokes. Not with one stroke of the instrument but over and over again, carefully, eyes on our children, instructing them with great attention to detail. Everywhere we go. The conversation keeps going. Teaching God’s commands and how to engage in this life and that includes the digital world. This might look like healthy God honoring conversations watching a TV show or movie together. 

Here’s what I’m saying . . . As parents our role is to teach, train, and model a healthy relationship with digital media.

Over the next few weeks, we will address some of the serious problem habits within our homes when it comes to the digital world: distraction, disconnection, and discipline. So, stay tuned for the rest of this series. 

Let me give you your solution pathway. I think there’s four things every parent needs to do to navigate the tidal wave of parenting in a digital age.

The Solution Pathway

• Growth: Keep growing and keep learning. Especially when it comes to this digital world. Read the articles, watch the documentary, become informed about the research. Don’t just coast and go through the motions of parenting. Keep growing. Read parenting books. Keep reading this blog each week. Keep growing. 
• Intentionality: Many of our problems can be solved, not all at once, but each year and each season choosing to be two steps more intentional. At the end of this series we will provide you with a resource called THE DIGITAL GAME PLAN that you will build as a family. This is a practical way to get intentional about turning the tide in our home. 
• Healthy communication: As we go through this journey and you begin to engage a spouse and/or children in this conversation, you will understand why communication is so key. We are going to need smart and healthy communication to get total family buy in on the problem and solution at hand. This cannot and will not happen without healthy communication coming from you. 
• Modeling: This is quite possibly the hardest one of them all. We have to eliminate hypocrisy from our lives. Our habits are going to have to change too through this process. We have to set the tone and the example in our home. 

As parents, we are staring down a massive problem, but we’re here to help and excited to take this journey with you. Let’s dig in and start on the solution pathway together.

Written by: Kyle Nelson. Kyle is the lead pastor of Fathom Church and co-founder of Fathom Family Foundation. He and his wife, Taran, live in Jacksonville, FL with their three children.