It’s been a week of date-night pictures and social media posts. Love is in the air!

The week surrounding Valentine’s has hardly blipped on my radar since having a daughter 3 years ago. She was born on the 17th of February, and most of the excitement and attention goes toward planning for her special day. We still celebrate, and my husband and I exchange gifts, but it’s not something we put tons of emphasis on. Things change when you have a child, and we are okay with that.

I’ve been agonizing over her birthday party for several weeks. Obsessing over all the little details, and bouncing ideas off my husband.

“Should I make a few cookies too with the matching cupcake sprinkles? Do you think I should double check the cake colors at the bakery? I’m not sure she wrote down the correct shades of blue and purple. Should I get a few more balloons?”

I’m really just verbally processing all the pieces, not looking for actual answers, but at some point in the conversation, he gave me a “you’re overthinking this” look and said, “I think everything is okay. It’s all okay.”

Right. I realized I was probably being excessive in all the little details, and I stopped and considered why I do that. Why do I obsess over every little detail of her party? It’s not because I want to impress anyone. We only have family coming. It’s not because I’m trying to compensate for anything. She’s well-cared for and gets a lot of our focused time.

It’s because if I leave this earth before she’s older – God forbid – I want her to look back on pictures and see a mother that loved her beyond compare.

It’s because right now, this is how I love her. I think through all the little details of what she needs for the day. I make sure she has clothes that are weather-appropriate and maybe a matching bow, if there’s time. I make sure she has meals and snacks if she’s going to be away from me for the day, and her favorite blanket and snuggle toys for nap. I think about her needs every time I step foot in a store, and I keep up with all her wellness appointments.

And that’s no extravagant mothering. It’s what all of us mothers do. While our babies are little, we nurture and tend to and obsess over all the little things. It’s how we love them.

I know one day the seasons will shift, and she will do a lot of this on her own. But right now, this is my responsibility, and I take it seriously.

On the other hand, the way I show my husband love in this season has also shifted. Clean, folded laundry means a lot more to him right now than presents. Because life is chaotic, and he wants clean underwear. Who doesn’t?

In the early years of marriage, we focused on the gifts and all the Hollywood versions of showing love. But right now, it’s slow and steady and meeting each other’s needs and showing up for one another. We are teammates and best friends and, yes, still lovers, too.

So one day, Valentine’s might become more important to me and my husband again. We might be a little more intentional about going out to a restaurant or planning an evening by the fire. Seasons change.

After 10 years of marriage, I’ve stopped being concerned about what things should look like, and I’ve started focusing on my role in my family. How do they specifically receive love, and what does that look like for this season?

Nurturing and making sure my daughter has the little details taken care of is what I’m doing while she’s so young and still needs a lot from me. And being intentional about a peaceful and happy home in the evenings is how I’m loving my husband right now. That’s what they need in this season.

In Galatians 6:2, we are told:

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

I think this adequately covers the kind of love we are expressing right now. Carrying each other’s daily burdens, making sure each other’s needs are met.

If you are in a season of romance, date nights, and weekend getaways with your spouse, that’s awesome!

If you are in a season with adult children and sending care packages and encouraging texts is what they need, that’s fantastic. Do it!

If you’re in a busy season with little ones, and clean dishes and a cooked meal is what you’re bringing to the table, that’s beautiful too and no less important.

Romans 12:9 says, “Let love be genuine.”

No one wants love that’s just for show or a picture of what the world says love should look like. Love without authenticity is hollow and shallow.

So don’t worry about what they are doing next door or how your friends show up for their families. Just show up for yours in your own genuine way and love them however they need to be loved in this season. And do it with a happy heart.

Written by: Anna Wetherington. Anna is a behavioral health therapist living in Valdosta, GA with her husband and daughter.