It’s here. Christmas is just a few days away, and I’m still wondering how this month, let alone this entire year, flew right by me. The last few weeks I’ve done what I could do to get ready for the big day. I ordered the gifts, and I wrapped them all up weeks ago. I’ve communicated the holiday plans, trying to coordinate meals and events all while (barely) keeping up with the regular everyday stuff. I decided that with it being Christmas time, I would go easy on myself deciding to let my little ones watch Christmas movies. Over the last 3+ weeks, my boys have watched The Grinch at least 100 times. I’m sure that that’s an accurate count.
But now the day is just about here, and I find myself feeling a bit wistful. This has been a big year with a lot of changes for me and my family. And true, there are plenty of the typical holiday feelings all jumbled together like Chex Mix . . . excited, overwhelmed, tired, eager, and a few others. But this other feeling seems to be hanging over me, like a pesky gnat that just won’t seem to leave me alone.
Today I sat with my oldest little and watched, you guessed it, The Grinch. Only this time, we watched the Jim Carrey version, which is a first for my son. I realized watching it myself for the first time in many years that a lot of the humor went way over my 4-year-old’s head. After it was over, he looked at me and said, “Well, I finally watched that one, and I didn’t like it.” Spoken like a true child whose whole repertoire of screen time entertainment consists of animated shows. But as I sat and watched it, the main song that Cindy Lou Who sings was striking me, and her sentiments were feeling a bit familiar…
Where are you Christmas, why can’t I find you? Why have you gone away? My world is changing. I’m rearranging. Does that mean Christmas changes too?
Now, I am not completely disillusioned. I know the true meaning of Christmas, so I don’t really have to get too wrapped up in holiday blues. I continue to turn on my Christmas and worship songs and drive around the block more than once so that my boys can see all the lights on display. We’re reading our Advent Blocks, and they are both so excited to get to day 25 when the star reaches the world, and we celebrate the birth of our Savior. But through keeping up appearances, even just to my littlest watchful eyes, I can’t shake the fact that I’m in a long season of change that will be continuing into the new year.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8
Change is a good thing, but it is incredibly uncomfortable to walk through. And nothing makes you quite so aware of all that has transformed the recent past and all that remains to transform in the future like Christmas and New Years quickly approaching and the fact that your toddler couldn’t walk this time last year and now he’s speaking in full sentences. Change is all around me, from my daily habits and responsibilities to my preferences and priorities, to the dynamics of how my marriage operates and how I choose to discipline my kids and on and on and on. It’s hard to not get whiplash. And if I’m honest, I feel like I’m moving through it all a bit numb, and I’ve been feeling like God has been distant. But here’s what’s keeping me from breaking down or having a too generally Blue Christmas: Truth (that’s capital ‘T’ Truth) is keeping me anchored.
I know that Jesus remains the same through my ever-changing life, and I can count on Him when I can’t count on myself. I know that if I abide in Him, He will remain close to me and that if I feel a distance from God, it’s not because He’s left me, but that I’ve let something unimportant take a front seat in my life. I know that it’s His constant presence (whether I feel it or not) that enables me to survive the tidal wave of feelings that tend to strike around the holidays, and it’s His presence that will carry me and you through whatever changes we may be facing this Christmas weekend, or next year, or 10 years from now.
Maybe you’re adding another baby to the mix and you’re nervous wondering whether three kids is really all that different from two. Or maybe you’ve had to pack up your life and move your whole family right before the holidays, or you’ve started a new job, or you’ve been battling a teenager that’s making everything in your life a little bit harder. Whatever your circumstances may be, He is greater. He has overcome the world and by His Spirit in you, so made you an overcomer.
As the song says, my world really is changing, I’m rearranging, but Christmas doesn’t really change because God doesn’t change. Don’t let His promises, His presence, or His pursuit of you float by without ever sinking in. And all of it culminates in what we celebrate this time of year. Through the birth of His Son, we find a God who is good on His word, delivering His presence to the world in great pursuit of relationship with His creation. How can I approach Christmas and every other day without rejoicing?!
There are many feelings and winds of change to work through in this season and I will experience changes big and small through every season in my life. My mothering will change, my marriage will change, and my ministry will change, too. But God remains the same. And that is something I can count on.
Written by: Chelsae Baxley is the Assistant Director of Fathom Family Foundation. She lives in Jacksonville, FL with her husband Josh, and her two boys, Max and Isaac. She has a heart for encouraging others in marriage, mothering, and theology.
