As a parent, there is nothing more beautiful, more joy-filled than hearing your newborn cry for the first time. When my son was born, almost 17 years ago, I remember his first cry. I had a c- section and was strapped to a table while they took him and wrapped him up. I heard his cry before I saw his sweet face and it was the best sound in the world!

For nine months, I prayed he would be a boy filled with joy and laughter. Would you know it, he was such a happy baby. I remember his first laugh. I was sitting on the porch, and he giggled, and then I giggled. His laugh was infectious and made others laugh. If he thought something was funny, others thought so too. I always thought he and I would be close. We were so much alike, and he was so affectionate and loved his mama.

But we all know life is hard. Hardship can change us. Hardships cause us to doubt what we know or what we believe about ourselves, others, and God. In 2020, our family experienced divorce. This altered the direction of all our lives. Suddenly, my children had to leave me every week. Suddenly, I wasn’t tucking them in every night. Suddenly, the house was so much quieter.

The laughter was gone. Replaced with pain, hurt, and sadness.

My son was 12.

At first, things seemed ok, but little by little his disappointment and anger began to manifest. The joy he once had was gone. The little boy was disappearing before my very eyes, and I could see a wedge forming between us.

A few years later, I remarried. This did not improve his mood or behavior, nor our relationship. He was mad. I sent him away to be with his father for 5 months, thinking it would help to be with his dad. It did not. It furthered the wedge. As a result of that time, he was in a toxic relationship, he was depressed, and he hated me. He blamed me for everything wrong in his life.

Hurt people, hurt people. I’ve heard this phrase so much through the years, and it’s because it’s so very true. When we are hurting, sometimes we lash out and want to find someone or something to blame for the pain.

I was hurting too.

He came home to us and made it clear he wasn’t happy about it. However, we saw through his pain, through his lashing out, and got to work. We made some changes, created boundaries, and had many conversations. We put him in therapy and slowly began the healing process.
At one point, he admitted that he never really hated me, he was just hurt and angry.

It’s been a little over a year since he came home to us. The changes in him are night and day.
However, as many teenagers do, he still makes mistakes and has had to earn trust back repeatedly. (Still working on this as we speak.) But his heart has softened, and he is more open than he has been in a long time.

I was angry and hurt by him, just as he was hurt and angry with me. It took some time, but we chose to forgive one another. This past Christmas, we had a productive conversation and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I had my son back. We had forgiven each other, and I heard that laugh again.

He’s not a little boy anymore and I’ve had to accept this to move forward. I needed to let go of who he once was to allow him to become who he needs to be now: a young man who has gone through trauma but has emerged on the other side of pain.

I wonder if you have had similar journeys with people in your family . . . maybe a spouse or a child.

Here are a few things I want to share about the process of forgiveness:

1. Forgiveness is a choice . . .

Colossians 3:13 (NIV): Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

2. It can be hard to forgive, but the Lord calls us to do it no matter how long it takes or how many times it takes . . .

Matthew 18: 21-22: Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

3. There is healing in forgiveness . . .

James 5:16: Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

4. When we forgive others, Christ forgives us . . .

Ephesians 4:32: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

5. Forgiveness helps us to let go and move forward.

Forgiveness does not mean you will forget or that you will instantly trust someone again. As you choose to forgive, trust can be rebuilt, and the relationship can move forward. My son crossed many boundaries, and he needed to earn my trust, but I chose to forgive him and will continue to do so when boundaries are crossed again. In doing this, I follow what Jesus says in Matthew 18.

Forgiveness is a choice, it can be hard, but there is healing in it. Embracing forgiveness not only allows us to release the burdens of the past but also aligns with the promise of Jesus forgiving us as we forgive others. This choice enables us to move forward not only in our earthly relationships but also in our connection with Jesus. By opting for forgiveness, we exemplify the love of Jesus to others.

Written by: Laura Riggleman. Laura is the Kids’ Director at Fathom Church and lives with her husband and two children in Jacksonville FL.