What does true friendship and partnership look like in marriage? Here’s a hint: Marriage should be FUN! We should create incredible experiences that we can celebrate for a lifetime. Otherwise, our intimate marriage relationship turns into two people who are nothing more than roommates. 

We LOVE ice cream so much we’ve incorporated it into our story and teaching.  In fact, one of the non-negotiables of Uncover Marriage is “Ice Cream, Laughter, & Memories.” 

In our marriage, ice cream has become synonymous with celebrating wins. When something amazing happens, we declare, “It’s time to get some ice cream!” 

And similarly, when we’ve had a hard day (or week), we often smile and say, “It’s time to get some ice cream!” Enjoying a treat together is a reminder to refocus, renew, recharge, and get back at it!  

We understand that life isn’t always easy, but God is always good. Your marriage is a gift from Jesus that should be celebrated. Although ice cream isn’t required, it is strongly encouraged. So is laughter because it does the heart good like medicine! The Bible actually says so in Proverbs 17:22.  

Song of Solomon 5:16 says, “This is my beloved, this is my friend.” As you live your life with your best friend, your marriage should be vibrant and filled with life and laughter. 

Too often, we allow the chaos of our hectic schedules to suck the life out of our marriage. We prioritize whatever feels urgent in the moment, only to get to the end of the day without having invested much in our spouse. Our spouse often gets whatever we have “left over” at the end of the day. Putting our marriage relationship on cruise control is dangerous, but it is a reality for so many couples. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Can we give you a HUGE piece of marriage advice? In fact, it’s probably one of the top three most important things we could ever communicate to you. If you get this, it will revolutionize your marriage. 

Here it goes. Lean in and get ready for it: 

Your marriage is as good as you decide it’s going to be.

Great marriages begin with the choice to make your spouse the highest priority in your life, second only to Jesus. Biblical priorities can be summed up with this phrase: “Jesus first and your spouse above everything else.”  

This is a choice. It takes an extremely high degree of intentionality. Your marriage isn’t going to be amazing because you hope that it will be healthy. Hope is amazing fuel, but it’s not the strategy to success. We hope to be physically fit. We hope to be financially free. We hope that our relationship with Jesus is alive!  

The question is, what will your plan of action be to experience that reality? The decisions you make today will impact the outcomes you experience tomorrow. Your marriage will be healthy when you intentionally invest in it today and every day. Again, Jesus first, and your spouse above everything else! 

Healthy marriages aren’t built in a day. They are built daily! 

Five Daily Decisions

Here are five intentional decisions that we make each and every day to build and keep a healthy marriage and to avoid just living as roommates: 

1. Pray together.

There are few things that create intimacy in marriage like a husband and wife who pray together regularly.

2. Dream together and set goals. 

Authentic communication is key. If you need a little help in this area, check out our resource, 3 Steps to Great Communication.

3. Be purposeful to keep the spark in your marriage. 

We’d love for you to take our 15 Day Marriage Challenge. It is designed to help you have deep, meaningful conversations and spiritual experiences as well as laugh and make some incredible memories along the way. This challenge is a reset for your marriage! 

4. Have regular date night experiences together.  

Need some great date night ideas? Here are a few to get your creativity started (we’d love to hear your feedback as we build our list):

• Make dinner together.
• Relax by a campfire. 
• Have a spa night.
• Go on a picnic.
• Try a new hobby together.
• Attend an outdoor concert.
• Recreate your first date.

5. Be intentional to cuddle, kiss and never stop making sweet romantic gestures to your spouse.

Pure intimacy starts outside of the bedroom. Strive to have a marriage that makes your kids nauseous because of the love their parents share. You may get a lot of, “Come on, guys,” from your kids, but you are setting an example of what a healthy marriage looks like, as well as providing feelings of safety and stability for them, even if they won’t admit it now. 

Navigating Changes

If you want the marriage you’ve never had, you may have to do some things you’ve never done. 

Marriage constantly changes. You will change. Your spouse will change. Life takes unexpected turns, responsibilities shift, and each year will bring new challenges and fresh opportunities. As we have often experienced, life doesn’t always turn out the way you dreamed, hoped, planned, or prayed that it would. But just because life is different doesn’t mean it can’t be absolutely amazing! 

As you transition through these experiences throughout your marriage, we want to leave you with a few simple reminders: 

Never stop asking questions.
Never stop learning.
Never stop growing. 
Never stop changing. 
Say, “I love you,” every day.
Hug often.
Look for and find the best in each other. 
Be outrageously generous. 
Share sorrows.
Celebrate the wins.
Serve together.
Be grateful.
Serve Jesus until He returns.

Written by: Shannen and Anthony Braswell. Shannen Fields Braswell is an award winning actress, producer, model, and inspirational speaker. Anthony Braswell is a pastor, inspirational speaker, content creator and leadership coach. We lost our late spouses to terminal illnesses within 8 weeks of each other. We both made the decision to heal forward and make each day count. As we took those steps, God allowed our paths to cross and our new friendship quickly turned into our very own miraculous love story. Together, we have been married a combined 55 years and have used that experience to create Uncover Marriage. We have also launched Healing Forward Ministries, a non-profit organization to offer financial assistance to widows and fund content and experiences designed to reverse the epidemic of divorce that is sweeping the globe. We love to inspire others with hope and equip couples to experience the marriage of their dreams!