I will never forget finding out about being pregnant for the first time. Where I was. How long it took to see if enough lines were on the test. The smile on my husband’s face. Me trying to calculate the due date. So many thoughts running through my mind all at once. All of them, so happy. I had wanted this for so long. After the initial excitement, it was almost like a “switch” went off and I found myself worrying about all of the things. I was still so excited, but this worry stuck around too.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:25-27

So many decisions to make. All of this seems silly now, but I became consumed with reading books about having a baby and how to raise it. I bought into the culture of comparison and finding out how other moms were going to give birth and what bottle they were going to use. I spent way too much time on this type of information. Lots of reading, investigating, researching; not enough seeking the Lord. Each passing month brought another decision, and as we got closer to the due date I had everything all figured out. There. Done. It was going to happen “this” way, and we were going to live happily ever after.

We did have that baby and he was the happiest little guy…most of the time. But when he cried longer than I thought the book said he should, here came the worry again. This cycle continued with each phase, and I wanted to figure it out quick and do the right thing.

All along the Lord kept nudging me, pursuing my heart about what really mattered, asking me to trust Him.

This is the beauty of motherhood. Each season, the Lord invites us to trust Him more, know Him deeper. At first it feels like a free fall into the great unknown, but now it is the most amazing ride. I still don’t get it right all the time, but letting go of what I think and trusting Him fully brings such freedom. This relationship with God has grown and I have learned so many things about myself as a mother, a sister, a wife, a friend, a daughter.

I am still not where I want to be, but I am learning on a deeper level what it means to trust God with a twelve-year-old. What it looks like to let go of my own control when my nine-year-old asks a question I do not have an answer to. I can now navigate the heart of my six-year-old when she needs to go deeper. 

I used to think that the tighter I held onto my kids the safer we all were, and now I know that letting God take control is where the true freedom comes in. Leaning into Jesus and trusting him with all of the things I don’t have figured out can be scary, but I can speak of His faithfulness and tell people how good He is. It is so easy to pick up the worry hat and prance around with it while we make our decisions, but God wants us to turn that in and trust Him completely.

Do you recognize his voice? Can you feel him nudging you when you are tempted to take control? Do you find yourself spiraling when worry creeps in? It’s okay. Take a second and ask the Lord to take back the reigns, and let Him know you want to invite Him back into the spaces you have kicked him out of. Ask for forgiveness and admit to God and your kiddo that you messed up because you weren’t trusting God in that situation.

Show them how to fall. Show them how to seek the face of God and then show them how He picks you up. Tell them how He is weak when you are strong. The beauty in this dance cannot be explained until you experience it for yourself. I promise you, He can be trusted.

Written by: Taran Nelson. Taran is the executive director of Fathom Family Foundation. She lives in Jacksonville, FL with her husband, Rev. Kyle, and their three children.