It really took me having a child to recognize just how important family time is. Understanding that it’s in the small moments that we often bond the most with each other. I love to see my daughter engage with other kids, extended family, friends, church community, and theme-park wildness, but it’s really in the one-on-one and at the dinner table that I have the opportunity to get to know her and to teach her what I can about God, life, and values.
As an introvert, I often lean toward smaller gatherings and one-on-one conversations anyway, but it can still be a challenge to make that time with family when life is busy.
But really, why is family time so important to God and to the kingdom values He has set forth?
I think a big part of that is unity in our faith. The New Testament especially is filled with verses that encourage unity among Christians and bodies of believers.
“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” Col. 3:14
“Until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” Eph. 4:13
We know how difficult it can be to find that unity with those outside the home if you don’t first ensure there’s unity and security within the home. I’m always grieved to hear of families falling apart in the spotlight. Pastors caught up in affairs or with their children fleeing the faith with a passion. It reminds us how important it is to first come together with our family and make sure we are instilling – and also modeling– Christ values to our children.
“Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but enjoy the company of the lowly.” Rom. 12:16
That last verse might not make you think of your family, but society often sees children as the “lowly” and the unimportant. And if we’re honest, sometimes we might need a reminder that it’s an honor and a privilege to spend time with them. As someone who has my fair share of evenings when I’m counting down the minutes to bedtime, I’m convicted by this. It reminds me that I should look for joy in the company of my child and be intentional about our time together. Intentionality brings harmony into my home, unlike if I spend it scrolling my phone and counting down the minutes . . .
And, of course, there’s God’s instruction that we train our children. This is not a passive command.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Prov. 22:6
This is a lofty responsibility and one that doesn’t quite land on your shoulders until you look down at your baby for the first time. You just can’t get the gravity of it fully until you are legally, physically, financially, and spiritually responsible for another human being.
In a world where work, school, sports, all the extra-curriculars, church, volunteering, and individual hobbies eats up so much of our time, it takes great effort to carve out that family time and ensure we are investing in our spouses and our children as we should. You can’t see problems arising in your kid’s life if you never see your kid. It’s a lot harder to remember why you and your spouse got together when you aren’t making new fun memories to remind you of your love for them.
If you’re looking for ways to be more intentional with family time and to keep kingdom priorities first, here’s a few suggestions:
1. Eliminate some of the busy. I know, I know. If it was that simple, I wouldn’t have to make the list. But I’m here to tell you something you might not be ready to hear. I hope you’ll listen – err read – anyway. You don’t actually NEED all that stuff. Your kid doesn’t have to be a part of every sport, play every instrument, attend every fun event. You don’t have to volunteer at all the things. Your kids will be okay if you don’t go somewhere every weekend or if you have to decline letting them hang out with friends again.
In fact, if you’re busy nearly every night of the week, I’ll argue that you and your family are desperately in need of you saying “no” to a few things. There are families all across the country uprooting and moving to rural areas, homeschooling and doing life completely differently just to get a quieter life with deeper family connections. You don’t have to do that if that’s not your cup of tea, but you officially have permission to cut out some things and have some quiet – or loud, if that’s how your family rolls – nights at home together.
2. Keep the Sabbath holy. And no, I don’t just mean church attendance. Scripture does tell us not to forsake the assembling with our brothers and sisters in Christ, but don’t forget that the Sabbath was designed as a day of rest. My church doesn’t have Sunday night services anymore. I hope this doesn’t hurt any feelings, but I love it. I love it so much. We gather on Sunday mornings and worship the Savior together. If we want to linger in the Spirit, we do. We fellowship throughout the morning and after service, and sometimes we go eat lunch with family or friends. And then we go home.
I try to limit the chores we do on Sunday and do the things that bring us rest. Sometimes it’s riding carts and ATVs. Sometimes, for me, it’s a little light gardening or reading a book. We have a meal together as a family. We still have some improving to do, but Sunday is becoming more and more of what I believe God intended it to be. A day of refreshing ourselves and resting. So, take your family to church – it, too, refreshes your souls. Then continue to find whatever offers rest to you and your family throughout the day.
3. Reduce the screens. This might be a good thing to pair with point two, but do it any time that suits your family. This means, doing activities that do not include a device or screen. Sometimes our moments as a family come when our daughter is chasing the sprinkler water and her daddy and I sit back laughing. Sometimes it’s when I walk into the living room to pillows and blankets strewn everywhere from the massive fort the two of them are building. Or it’s all huddled around the kitchen island eating some baked good I’ve prepared. Just find a way to connect with your crew without the technology. Your kids will 100% be happier and healthier for it, and you will too.
4. Get at least a few meals a week together around the table. That might mean breakfast if your evenings are just too full. It might be a pizza you picked up on the way home from work. Use this as a time for no screens. If your kids are older, pass a screens basket for them to drop off their tablets, phones, etc., and ask each other about the day. I sometimes ask my daughter what her favorite thing was from the day, and she now asks us that in return quite often. This is how we socialize our kids – please don’t wait for their school classrooms to do it. I’m not sure it will have the effect you’re hoping for. Let’s do it with our kids around the table and in the activities we do together.
I recently saw a video where they asked parents if they could have a meal with anyone in the world at any time in history or present, who would it be. They all named celebrities or historical figures that they admired. When their children were asked the same question, nearly all of them said their parents or their family. It’s important to remember that for a small portion of your child’s life, you are their world. They feel most secure and most loved when they are with you making happy memories. Note, I said happy. It’s so important to check your mood and your presentation when planning family time. If you are resenting the time or just going through the motions, rest assured they can tell and they absorb it. That’s not meant as a parent guilt trip! I know some days we have less energy than others. I just encourage you to note when that is and to take advantage of the days when you can bring your joy and enthusiasm in spending time with your family. Intentionality and self-awareness are everything.
5. Plan family trips that are just you and your immediate family (i.e. no extended family or extra friends). The larger group trips are amazing! But they serve a different purpose than what we are talking about today. If you don’t have a lot of room in the budget for extra trips, then plan a quarterly staycation or fun Saturday of activities in your local community or even at home. The key here: be intentional. My toddler is three, and right now she’s easily entertained with inexpensive activities. Remember the cheap sprinkler? Saturdays at home with a few inexpensive water activities and burgers on the grill are some of my favorite days.
6. Have a fun weekly fun night with a meal and movie or activity. This is different for everyone, but we usually make Fridays our fun pizza and dessert night. We might watch a movie, or during nice weather we might spend the evening outside together.
I know we are all doing our best, and for some people that feel they are just in survival mode trying to make it from one day to the next, I get it. Those seasons happen. Find the little moments you can and trust that God’s grace will see you to the next season where hopefully more family time will be doable.
The intentional moments we create with our family, bond us to them, and model for our children what healthy family time looks like. It also reminds our kids that they are a priority to us and that we desire time with them and their other parent (for those married). It unifies us and allows us to better engage with the body of Christ outside the home as well. It gives us the opportunity to pour into our children the values God has for them and to remind them that they have divine purpose. They aren’t just here to check the world out. They are here to engage it and change it for His glory!
Written by: Anna Wetherington. Anna lives in Georgia with her husband and daughter.
