I recently heard a mom processing motherhood. With toddler-aged twins and a newborn, her life is chaotic, and it feels like there’s never enough of her to go around. She expressed her frustration and impatience with toddlerhood and her realization that she was having to learn right along with them. As they grow, she is growing too. She’s a mother now, and that takes an entirely new skillset from her pre-parent days.
It occurred to me how helpful it could be if we as parents remember this. If we could remind ourselves just how much grace we need too and how many times God has had to forgive us and offer patience through our temper tantrums.
The journey in our relationship with Christ looks so much like parenthood with little ones. As babies we are helpless and can only digest little bits. Our understanding is so limited, and we require loads of patience and love. As we begin to grow, we gain some independence and begin to assert our will. God frequently must remind us that His way is best, and we frequently learn the hard way how true that is.
Our children are very similar. They are learning everything for the first time, and their little minds are processing at insane levels. It’s no wonder that meltdowns happen, and that overwhelm comes quickly.
Introvert or extrovert, you can probably relate to the feelings of overstimulation and overwhelm. Toddlers are trying to learn what it looks like to cope with those feelings. As an adult, even I struggle with this. If I feel overstimulated from the day, I’m probably snappy, withdrawn, and less than my best self. So why should we expect our little ones to have a different experience?
As Christian parents we want them to walk in the fruits of the spirit with traits like gentleness and self-control. But we must remember that we too are working on those traits – it just looks different in adulthood. Instead of having the control to sit quietly, we must resist the impulse to snap at our spouses and to eat our feelings in dessert. While they are trying to find the patience to tie shoes or zip jackets (and often pitching a fit when those patience run out), we are trying to do house repairs and fold an endless supply of tedious laundry.
When was the last time you let your anger boil over into some form of acting out? A huff of frustration, tossing a sock across the room, uttering a word you’re trying to keep your kids from repeating? I’d say finding patience and self-control are things I struggle with not once a day, but MULTIPLE times a day. I am constantly having to learn, grow, back up, calm down, take a breath, try again.
Being a parent is hard. Being a child is hard. We just struggle with different things.
We want our kids to obey us, to love, to be kind, to be well-mannered, and to enjoy life. But it never hurts – especially in those moments when we feel our anger rising – to humble ourselves. To remind ourselves that we too are on a journey of growth. That we must be intentional in what we plant if we want to eventually reap good things. That what we planted yesterday in our little ones probably won’t produce fruit today – but it will eventually. And that if we royally mess up or parenthood looks nothing like we thought, that God will use the mess to do something beautiful in our lives.
If we want to have kids that are patient, kind, disciplined, loving, full of joy, and godly, we must begin with ourselves. Children model what they see, so lead a life worth following. And when you mess up – and you absolutely will – don’t be afraid to apologize to them and to forgive yourself.
We have been given the immense blessing of these children. Out of all the people on this planet, God saw fit to give you your child(ren). You get to be the one that shows them what God’s grace looks like. How profound is that? Their first encounter with God’s love, mercy, acceptance, and kindness can come through YOU. Never take that for granted. You aren’t just trying to teach them how to share toys or sit at a table politely – you are teaching them what an IDENTITY in Christ looks like.
So, grow WITH your kids. Plant seeds. Water and nurture often. Be patient in the waiting. Love them through the droughts and the storms. Show them what integrity looks like and how to effectively process feelings and overwhelm. Above all, show them the grace that Christ has so lovingly bestowed on us and remind them His grace is for them too.
Written by: Anna Wetherington. Anna lives in Valdosta, GA with her husband and daughter.
