As parents, repeating yourself to children can become exhausting! We restate directions, chore lists, where to find shoes, how to brush our teeth, and why we have specific values and convictions in our home. But despite information floating in one ear and out the other, it would be incorrect to think our kids didn’t hear us when conversations matter.
While they hear the repetition of our demeanor, they ultimately repeat the condition of our hearts.
As much as we would love for our children and spouse to remember what we say, God is more interested in how we say it and why. God gives us a beautiful example of what repetition should look like in the home, and I want to offer you three strategies for cultivating a home that will stand against the ever-changing cultural tide.
Love First
The NIV mentions the word love 551 times. Talk about repeating yourself! We don’t hesitate to say we love our children, but God asks us to look deeper. He wants us to see love as a first response, second, third, and so on.
First Corinthians 13:1–10 (MSG) says:
“If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, ‘Jump,’ and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.”
While we can have all the answers, all the money, and go on all the fancy vacations, if we don’t show love in the daily things, we are of no greater value than what the world offers our kids. Thankfully God gives us grace when it comes to parenting. He reminds us that we will only understand so much. I know the last verse is about the coming Messiah and how he will cancel all our sins with His death and resurrection, but I want to take a little liberty and claim this as a golden nugget of parenting wisdom. The last verse says, “But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.” When God is at the center of your family, and your parenting revolves around the truth of His word, your mistakes will be canceled out by the legacy you will leave behind. Your children won’t remember your failures; they will recall your faith.
Be The Gatekeeper
Deuteronomy 6:5–9 (NIV) says, “And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Your purpose as the gatekeeper is directly linked from the innermost parts of who you are because you are made in the image of God to the outer reach of your family and friends because you are displaying the character of God. Once again, God is repeating to us to examine the condition of our hearts. Once our hearts and minds are entirely devoted, standing guard against what enters and leaves our home becomes much easier when we have loving repetitions.
So, repeat God’s love by worshiping in front of your children, praying at their bedside, speaking the truth during hard talks, discussing biblical wisdom, and declaring victory over your children. For one day, they will repeat what they’ve heard, and I pray those words to mimic the heart of the Father. Teach your children why scripture memory is so important, especially for those hard days when we need reminders to do all things through Christ because He gives us strength – tie them to your hands. Encourage their growing minds to make Godly decisions by responding like Jesus would– wear them on your forehead. Cover your home in prayer so that all who may enter know the fullness and joy of the Lord. Teach your children why prayer is essential so that when they encounter hard decisions, they are led by the Spirit of God, and their hearts will not waver from the truth you planted within them all those years ago – write them on your doorpost.
Respond to situations fueled by what is inside your heart rather than what’s on your mind. While your decisions to stand for or against something may frustrate kids, when your decisions are founded in truth, your children will remember. And prayerfully, with God’s help, they will follow in your footsteps.
Build Open Communication
Let’s just be honest, if we aren’t going to talk to our children about hard things, who is? As soon as we step outside, we find society renaming, rearranging, and justifying everything in the name of popular belief and culture. So, let’s change this. Proverbs 22:6 (KJV) says, “Train up a child in the way he [or she] should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” If you have ever trained for anything, you know day one looks nothing like day one hundred. Like our gym routine, we must start by talking and listening to our kids at a basic level; as the years progress, so do the topics, depth, and breadth of our conversations with our children.
Younger children first identify colors, shapes, and objects. For example, “This is a tree.” As they grow older, they can identify parts of the tree, such as the trunk, branches, leaves, and bark. Then our children transition to how the tree obtains food through photosynthesis and why we use it to build structures. Ongoing communication about challenging topics such as family structure, gender, abortion, dating, sex, and marriage shouldn’t be a brain dump all at once. Can you imagine if your personal trainer made you complete day one hundred’s workouts on day one? You would never go back! It’s the same with our kids. Challenging topics should be taught over time, increasing wisdom and knowledge as your child can understand.
Will you be the perfect parent? No, and you shouldn’t strive to be. Allow your children to see you glorify the Father in weakness and strength. Remember that you are trying to build a culture not based on ability but on availability. Your kids won’t remember how often you checked off your to-do list, but they will remember the time you spent with them and the connections made. Let this be enough, and watch God keep you and your children in perfect peace because your thoughts and hearts are fixed on Him.
Written by: Catharine Page is a teacher and writer living in Valdosta, GA with her husband and two children.
