Like many, my faith has been tested. So much so that I am now more certain of God’s presence in my life than ever before.
In Matthew 17:20 (NLT), it says, “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”
As the words came out of his mouth, “I have been having an affair for almost a year . . .” I stopped hearing anything. The bile rose in my throat, my skin felt as though it was on fire, and I felt as though I might spontaneously combust. I had ringing in my ears and a flood of emotions: shock, anger, disgust, sadness, emptiness – like a hole had been ripped open in my soul.
I sat there and listened to him speak and our counselor asked me if I needed a minute. I could not process what was being said and I had to get out of there. I drove down the road crying, screaming, cursing at God. For those of you who remember the character from the movie Forest Gump, I guess you could say it was my “Lieutenant Dan” moment.
As the days passed, I spent time in silence and waited for what the Lord had to lay on my heart. I came to understand that God was not releasing me from my marriage. He was, however, preparing me for a long arduous journey. Even as I told my husband that I would not give up on him and that God was not done with us, I knew it would take nothing less than a miracle to reconcile what had been broken.
The Path to Restoration
God at the center –
The enemy loves to creep into our thoughts and plant the seeds of doubt. God must be the foundation. Psalms 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God!” This scripture is so powerful to me. He is saying when we block out all the noise and open our hearts, He will give us the answers and the path to follow. I also feel like He is saying, “I’m God! Relax. I’ve totally got this!” Resting in the knowledge that He was in control, even though it felt like complete chaos, gave me a strength and peace I did not know was possible. I prayed constantly, not that God would fix my husband, but rather that He would show me how I needed to be humbled and what I must learn during this season.
Weekly devotional –
My husband and I attended a marriage conference during this time and were given a book called #Staymarried: A Couples Devotional by Michelle Peterson. We did the first couple of weeks together, but then came the darkest part of our journey. My husband moved out. I was not sure if he would ever come home, but I was determined to stay focused on God. I continued to do the devotional each week, and learned a brief time later that he too was still reading the book. This was a sign of hope for me, and a reminder that God was not done with us. We eventually finished the book together.
Friends and spiritual leaders
A few longtime friends stayed in contact with me regularly to provide support. Those same friends did not turn their backs on my husband. They rebuked his behavior but also told him that he was loved and would be forgiven. Our pastor shared hard truths and tough love, yet again did not turn his back on my husband. Each of these special people have been placed in our lives by God. They remained steady for both of us and welcomed my husband back with open arms.
Communication –
Communication is key! Our brains know that communication is important, but sometimes our hearts get in the way and prevent honest communication. My husband and I are both extremely nonconfrontational people. We avoid it like the plague. Instead, for years, we brushed the issues under the rug and pretended like we never had any disagreements. In my head, I always thought they were petty things that were not worth bickering about. I did not realize that the petty things were piling up. I was so busy avoiding confrontation that I missed the danger signs.
Even when my husband started being distant, I chalked it up to other issues. We were in the middle of the pandemic and were also walking through a lawsuit with his business. It was easier for me to place the blame on the tension of those situations than it was for me to realize I was part of the problem. No matter how difficult the conversation may be, it is far better to communicate our feelings and listen to each other.
Counseling both together and separately has been extremely beneficial to the restoration of our marriage. Through counseling, I have learned how to be more open with my feelings. It still isn’t easy, but I now understand the importance of not brushing anything under the rug.
Forgiveness and Grace
Whew! This is big. As humans, forgiveness and grace are hard and take time, but without the two, we would not have been able to restore our marriage. Typically, I struggle with forgiving those who have wronged me. I did not have a difficult time forgiving my husband. Don’t misunderstand me, I did not just say, “Oh cool. You’re home and all is well.” Forgiveness and forgetfulness are two different things. Remember what I said earlier about God being the center and the foundation. Without my faith in my Lord Jesus Christ, I would not have been able to forgive my husband and show him the true grace that he deserved.
How did we move forward from that day? How did we fix our marriage? No, I do not have “Three Easy Steps to Forgiveness and Bliss,” but I do know this – God showed up! He used the sin and the brokenness of our marriage to humble us and inevitably create a much stronger union that truly has Him at the center. I had the “faith of a mustard seed,” and God showed up to move the mountain.
Written by: Melinda Melrose. Melinda and her husband, Bill, live in Jacksonville, FL.
