As a new Christian, I leaned on silent prayer as an answer to restore my marriage. I understood God wanted a relationship with me, but I was too ashamed to openly ask for help. Before I knew Him, I knew only to depend on myself.

From the outside, I looked put together in front of a backdrop of a great career and a beautiful family. The truth is, I was a total mess inside.

Growing up, I considered myself a Christian, but my parents and I only attended church occasionally and during major holidays. I was also driven by fear of failing to live up to the expectations placed on me. As a child, I spent little time building relationships. Instead, I focused on activities that improved my chances for a successful life.

Unfortunately, being success-driven with no particular destination while trying to live up to other people’s expectations doesn’t add to long-term victory. Because of this, once I was on my own, I focused on college life, friends, and making up for all the fun I lost out on. Needless to say, my poor judgment only served to reinforce behavior that led to more pain.

Where do I start as a new Christian?

In 2017, I gave my life to Christ and started calling myself a new Christian. At that time, I came to the church totally defeated and didn’t know where I could turn to find help. But, let me back up a few years to explain . . .

I met my husband while I was in college. We got married, I found a great job, and we started having children. Regarding religion, my husband and I continued the traditions I was used to as a child. We attended church on and off but never truly connected with other families in the church body.

Once you accept Jesus as your lord and savior, the next step for a new Christian is to acknowledge and admit to your sins. And because I couldn’t face many truths about myself, I never found a place where I felt safe.

How do I repent if I keep sinning?

I wasn’t ready to admit to the deeply rooted problems lurking in my marriage. And I was too proud to let people know that alcohol was slowly poisoning my marriage and relationship with my children. My husband and I both used alcohol to calm our social anxiety. Still, neither of us knew that he was a true alcoholic and could not stop at one drink once he got started.

We were both functioning and highly successful professionals during the week. But on the weekends, if I wasn’t sobering up from a party, I was crying in bed, wondering where my husband was and if he would make it home. I was terrified that he wouldn’t, but when he did, I was afraid for my children witnessing our poor behavior. Years of this practice finally broke me one night as he stumbled into the room. I told him that I was going to take the kids and leave.

The look in my eyes must have conveyed that this time, I was serious. He was going to lose it all. I knew my husband loved his family above all else on earth, and the thought of losing us for good devastated him.

Thank God He never gives up on us. Even when I didn’t see it, He had already been working out a plan!

Could prayer truly save a marriage?

I didn’t know it then, but I had begun planting seeds in 2017 that would ultimately lead to saving my marriage. And prayer to save my marriage was one of those seeds. Trying to live the life of a Christian, I said yes to Jesus. I still made tons of mistakes, but in my heart, God knew I was really trying.

Far from being a perfect Christian, it took me years to understand how much God loved me as I watched and learned from other believers who were my light through the darkness. Their actions spoke louder than words. They made mistakes like I did, but they forgave themselves and continued living a life of gratitude and praise. They showed me a new way to live and exposed a truth that I kept hidden.

I felt I wasn’t good enough to open up to God, but He had been waiting and ready to listen to me the whole time.

Praying out loud always felt foreign on my tongue. I don’t recall my parents ever praying out loud or even over my sister and me. When I prayed out loud, I felt like a fraud. But over the years, encouragement and listening to incredible prayer warriors from my church family gave me the vocabulary I needed to become comfortable with prayer. Praying is important because it’s our direct line of communication with God.

What is silent prayer?

Silent prayer, or unspoken prayer, is the practice of communicating with God within our minds and not out loud. God always hears our prayers, whether spoken or unspoken. He understands our hearts and intent. Even though I didn’t believe myself worthy enough to ask God for anything, he knew my heart and what I yearned for.

When I first read Matthew 6:6, I cried. Many times, I closed myself in a room and prayed in secret. I shut the door and kept the words inside my mind. If I prayed out loud, I didn’t deserve to hear the answers to my prayers because I wasn’t worthy enough. But, when I read that my Father sees me and is always ready to reward me, I began growing in faith that He wants my marriage to succeed. There was nothing I did or could do to change my husband’s alcoholism, but I could pray to God to change my husband’s heart. I had to learn to let go and let God fix my marriage!

Is prayer enough?

Prayer in any form is powerful. But God wasn’t going to grant my wish because of how often I prayed or if I earned enough service points. God is not a genie.

Another truth I learned was that God knows me and loves me no matter what. He also knows and loves my husband no matter what. We are not to give up on marriage, as a husband must love his wife, and she must respect him. And we must both submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. I will emphasize that WE both needed to submit, and WE both needed to believe that God could fix our marriage.

Divorce was my last option, but I was beginning to concede to the fact that alcoholism was my husband’s mistress, and I could never compete against its seductive power.

Can God repair a broken marriage?

God restored my broken marriage, and prayer was a part of it. My husband didn’t choose alcoholism, but it was a heavy chain he could not free himself from alone. I tried to be his rescuer, but I was just tolerating his behavior and looking the other way, hoping he would eventually stop. This battle was really between my husband and the enemy.

If I could break down how I restored my marriage into simple steps, it would be as follows:

1. Seek God’s wisdom.

2. Find good counsel.

3. Trust in God’s will.

4. Create a loving atmosphere.

5. Build solid boundaries.

6. Set clear consequences.

7. And pray continuously!

The road didn’t get any easier, but my marriage and family are in a better place. The night my husband stumbled into the room after I thought he was dead in a ditch, he saw the look of total despair and defeat in my eyes. I was done. There was nothing more I could do for him. He was about to lose everything. Except, God was still there . . .

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9.

The next day, he went to AA and immediately sought counseling. He went daily, then weekly, then monthly, and now he’s voluntarily attending men’s small groups at church. My husband turned his life around with continued work and effort. Every year that passes by when he can claim to beat alcoholism is another notch in his victory belt. And we continue to pray.

Did we deserve to have our prayers answered? Of course not. Sinners are undeserving, but because our sins were already paid with the sacrificial death of Jesus so that we can forever live in God’s grace, we continue living knowing God is always on our side. He tells us not to be afraid because the battle is his to fight. The only thing we need to do is believe in Him.

Written by: Charlotte Singletary. Charlotte lives in Jacksonville, FL with her husband and three kids.