I remember the day I realized I needed glasses. I was nineteen years old, overwhelmingly confident that my vision was “good enough.” But as I sat near the back of our church sanctuary, squinting to see anything on stage, it hit me. I couldn’t see.

A few short weeks later I donned my first pair of spectacles, and my world came to life. I couldn’t believe how crisp and clear everything was! Squint-induced headaches vanished, my athletic ability improved, and I found joy in things like books and TV subtitles that I had learned to avoid. With one simple action—putting on a pair of cheap plastic frames—my life was forever changed. I could finally see.

It’s funny how obvious the connection is between our everyday lives and the truths of God. I once lived in confusion, uncertainty, and a sort of “blindness,” but now, through the right lens, I can see clearly, enjoy life, and confidently move through this world. Things that once felt impossible, or, at the very least, annoying, are simple now.

This life is full of obstacles: relationships, jobs, school, media, politics… It can all feel a bit overwhelming. But just like pre-glasses Andrew, it’s easy to think we’re “good enough” at navigating it all. We don’t need anyone to tell us what to do. We can see just fine. However, it doesn’t take long to figure out just how damaging this self-assured bravado can be. You can trust me on this one—not because I’m an expert, but because I’ve lived it.

I married the love of my life in 2014. My wife is the greatest gift since my salvation. But rather than exiting my wedding with one new family member, I got three. See, my wife was four months pregnant when I met her. We got married ten short months later. Quick math says that would make our daughter five months old at the time of our wedding. So, not only did I become a husband—I became a father. But the party didn’t stop there. Our daughter’s biological dad also entered the picture. I was now a part of what is often called a “blended family.”

I had never experienced anything like this before. Not only was everything new… it was emotionally charged. I had to wrestle with a new marriage, parenthood, and a difficult relationship with someone who had a legal right to be present in our baby’s life, whether we like it or not. It was like someone tossed me into an obstacle course, turned out the lights, and told me to run. I had no idea what I was doing.

Many people in blended families find themselves here. Custody agreements, decisions about school, extracurriculars, and holiday plans only begin to scratch the surface. Emotions run high, intentions are assigned, and unspoken expectations create impossible situations. I do not believe there is a single person on planet Earth completely qualified and competent to navigate a blended family.

But there is good news. Whether it’s a blended family, a broken friendship, or an unruly neighbor, God’s Word turns on the light. It is our lens to see these things as God sees them and to navigate them gracefully.

Psalm 119:103 says, “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Like a dark room or life without glasses, we cannot see clearly on our own. The Bible, God’s Word, is such a gift. It’s the light switch—the lenses—that help us understand the bigger picture and act accordingly. The simple acts of faith and allegiance to God change everything.

But rather than getting stuck in the “why” of it all, I’d like to offer three practical examples of how I’ve seen this happen in my own life, knowing that there are thousands more.

1) Remember the Gospel

1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.” This is the gospel message in seven short words. When I became a part of a blended family, I had every reason to hate the unwelcome third party. He made my life more difficult. He had a history with my wife. He was dad, I was stepdad. So, because I’m human, I tried it my way first. I took off my glasses and ran… shocked when I got hurt and hurt those around me.

Remembering what was done for me before I made decisions didn’t make things easier, but it did make them simpler, and the outcome was always better. Christ loved me and gave His life for me when I was His enemy… I can love this man. Christ showed me mercy… I can show mercy. Christ was (and is) so patient with me… I can be patient.

The example of Jesus keeps us tethered to God’s love, joy, and peace even during potentially volatile blended family situations.

2) Love Your Enemy

Whether we like it or not, our kids have a front row seat to our lives. As parents, we set the strongest example of what to do, what to say, how to treat others (especially when they’re not present). It is so easy to bad-mouth a co-parent. If you’re in a blended family, you know this struggle well. Every decision or broken promise is a fresh opportunity for criticism, sarcasm, and sin.

But when we look to God’s Word—His truth that is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path—we realize just how backwards our natural human tendencies are. In Matthew 5:43-48, Jesus tells us to not just “play nice” with those who hurt us, but to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you. I can say from firsthand experience that during the first few years of my blended family, public enemy number one was bio dad. In my heart, I created different rules for him because I often saw him as my “enemy.” And yet, Christ calls us to love… even if we’ll never be loved back.

Loving our enemies is impossible without first surrendering to Christ, but I can say, without a doubt, that it was the best decision our family has ever made. When my wife, bio dad, and I stopped trying to run in the dark and turned to the Lord for guidance, God did incredible things.

This has been the biggest blessing to our children, especially our daughter who is often asked by friends about her parental situation. Because we submitted to God’s way, she has the opportunity to share a testimony of what God can do with those who are watching her.

3) Trust in the Lord

I realize I may be making this sound easy. It’s not. Eleven years into this journey, we are still learning every day. We make decisions that our daughter’s father doesn’t love, and he does the same. However, the three of us (really the five of us, including the kids) know one thing beyond a shadow of a doubt: God’s way is better than our way. This is the lens of our blended family.

We may have experienced the gift of a blended family pursuing the Lord, but not every situation turns out this way. In the early years, before bio dad knew Jesus, things were tough. We didn’t know if our love, grace, mercy, or prayers were ever going to matter or make things easier. I vividly remember having to send our daughter away to spend time with her dad because the court said so. It hurt. My wife and I mourned those moments, but we trusted that God knew what He was doing. Trusting the Lord made disagreeing with our daughter’s father easier. It still does, in fact.

We can disagree with him, and he can disagree with us in certain moments. But when this happens, we only have two options. One, we can stress, fight, try to control, get nasty, be manipulative, and do everything we can to win. Or two, we can trust that our daughter’s father loves her and that God is in control. The God who created all things, sustains all things, and rules the Heavens and the Earth has promised to work out all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Trusting God gives us a peace that doesn’t make sense to those who don’t know Him (Philippians 4:7). This peace guards our hearts and minds from worst-case scenarios and anxiety.

I’ve worn glasses for fourteen years. Putting them on in the morning has become a habit, but it’s still a choice I have to make. Every once in a while, I’ll attempt something without them, only to fail or make a mess. Co-parenting in blended family situations is messy, difficult, and stressful, but God promises to make things clear. He is our Light. And we are invited, in every situation, to, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Written by: Andrew Steier. Andrew and his wife Autumn, live in Jacksonville, FL with their two children. They run an incredible non-profit ministry called Always Going that helps people learn how to share the gospel with everyone around them. He also speaks all over the country and has recently released a book, Always Going: The joyful overflow of everyday evangelism.