Confession: I have a tendency to make things harder than they need to be. It is something that I am working on in my life, but it’s a real thing, nonetheless. Over the years this has bled into a lot of different areas of my life. Tasks that really shouldn’t take that long, take me WAY TOO LONG! A simple conversation that needs to happen turns into a bigger deal in my head, so I avoid it altogether. You see the trend? When it comes to marriage, I think a lot of us do this very thing. We make “much of ourselves,” and out of our selfishness comes fights, jealousy, and a lot of “making things harder than they need to be.”
For example, I sat down last week to write a blog on marriage. I mean, I have been married for a while now….how hard can it be? Can I just tell you that I hit a wall? I had major writer’s block. Completely stumped. Couldn’t write a single word because I was – you guessed it – making it harder than I needed to. As I sat there in front of my computer with time on the calendar to write, I found myself paralyzed because I was overthinking the whole thing. Don’t get me wrong…marriage can be complicated, but today, I want to share with you 3 SIMPLE things to add to your marriage that doesn’t have to be complicated at all.
- Pray for your spouse daily. I know that this sounds pretty basic to pray for someone if you are a Christian, but in a busy culture we can start to drop the basics when we get busy. I know there was a time I was not going to God in prayer about my marriage enough. When I actually started this daily, practice it transformed me and strengthened our marriage. I started texting my husband during the workday either asking him how I could pray for him that day or just by telling him that he was being covered in prayer.
Prayer is powerful, and it changes us. It takes the attention off ourselves and causes us to invest in another person’s life. When we pray for one another, we are helping to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). Real life practical tip: if this doesn’t come naturally to you (its ok, you are human), set yourself a timer on your phone for the same time each day to remind you to pray for your spouse.
- Date your spouse. When was the last time you and your spouse went on a date? If you can’t remember then it has been too long. You must make this a priority. Keep learning things about each other. Make room for laughter and fun. Remove the excuses. We cannot afford to turn our marriage into just a transactional relationship. My worst nightmare is getting to the day when all of the kids are out of the house and I look at my husband, and I don’t know him anymore because we quit dating. This happens to couples all the time.
I know life is busy. I know it requires planning and sacrifices, but it is worth it. Real life practical tip: if you are on a strict budget, you can do this for free. Wait until the kids go to bed and play a board game. Take some of those cookies out of the pantry and have a “fancy living room dessert date.” Don’t let money hold you back…it is never about that anyway.
- Trust the heart of your spouse. In our culture it is very easy to find yourself offended or upset all the time. There is always someone or something to cast blame to. When I find myself getting irritated or upset at my husband, it is so easy to not trust his heart. I feel justified in my hurt and decide that he did “this or that” to intentionally cause me harm. When we slow down and truly think about motives and their heart, most of the time they don’t even realize they have hurt us. Give them the benefit of the doubt OR ask the hard questions. It’s ok. This will draw you closer together if you allow it. I also realize that trust is harder for some people. I am not saying that this is easy. There might even be valid reasons for your lack or trust. Seek help on this. You won’t regret the hard work this might require.
I know these are not rocket science things to make a part of your daily rhythms, but I promise that they make a difference. When we are both individually moving towards God, we will naturally come closer together. Adding these three simple things into your life will make you less selfish. I truly believe that so much of our problems are rooted in selfishness anyway. Do one of these really ring a bell for you? Which one of these are you going to implement? Challenge your group of friends to do this together. Be intentional. You aren’t alone…there is not a single marriage on earth that can’t stand to be strengthened in some area. Ask the Lord for His help. We are not meant to go through this life alone. If you feel weak in an area, ask God for the strength you need, and then confidently obey what He asks you to do in your marriage. I believe in you! Don’t make it harder than it needs to be. 3-2-1, GO!
Written by: Taran Nelson. Taran is the Director of Fathom Family Foundation. She and her husband, Rev. Kyle Nelson, pastor together in Jacksonville, FL with their three children.
